I look good on paper. Responsible, honest, trustworthy, timely and compassionate. All characteristics that you want in someone who takes care of your house while you are away on vacation for a week.
I will water your houseplants, bring in the mail, feed your fish, make sure everything is safe and care for your small garden. You don't have a thing to worry about.....
.....Unless you have neglected your small garden to the point where caterpillars have not only moved in and brought their entire family including their great aunt Helga but they have also all grown to be as big as a filthy construction worker's middle finger...and then some.
Here is the thing, I am not going to touch those things. Am I scared of bugs? Maybe, but not caterpillars, these ones are beautiful, soft and I would invite them to an afternoon tea. Why won't I rescue your garden from the attack? Well, to be quite honest, I won't rescue your garden because it is pointless. I am no detective, but my thinking is, if these caterpillars and their great aunt Helga have had time to grow this big...this is just a guess now, so bear with me, but I am thinking that you might not have even cared about your garden that much in the first place. The weeds up to my waist told me so. The caterpillars though? Oh man, the caterpillars, they care. They care about your garden a great deal and they seem to be very comfortable living amongst your tomato plant and *ahem* looking after it. So you know what? They win, they get to stay. I refuse to remove them. I will water it, feed it, stake it (because you failed to) but those caterpillars? Those suckers stay.
Nature: 1
You: 0
Love,
Your compassionate house sitter
Oh, and in case you never venture down to see your small garden. Here are your new tenants
and don't be a smart alec, I know that isn't a filthy construction workers middle finger. I made him switch to his thumb so you wouldn't be offended when it looked like he was threatening you with vulgar sign language.
1 comment:
i like turtles
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