Finding The Stink

Metorite of the space poop variety.

2008-12-07T09:08:00.001-08:00

My husband, *sigh* ooohhhhhh my sweet, sweet, husband.

Ever since we were dating he had been holding on to this circular piece of, well, I am not quite sure what it is, but he claims it is a meteorite, I claim bullshit. Quite literally to. It looks like a giant piece of fecal matter. I know that isn't glamorous to say that, but really that is what it looks like. So, in an effort to be fair, I am going to give you my husbands argument for why he believes he owns something more rare than gold, maybe he can convince you guys because his claims fall on deaf ears with me.

His story:
He was out in the desert riding dirt bikes with his family, by the Salton Sea. His bike broke down and as his uncle and father tried to fix it, he was left to wander the desert. Which is where he happened upon his lovely specimen. It caught his eye because of the shape, and thankfully it was resting on top of a rock (because, you know, meteorites are thoughtful upon impact and like to make it easy for you to find them) and the rest is history!

My story:
I don't need a story, I have pictures on my side, and here they are. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE MOST MAGNIFICANT PIECE OF SPACE POO EVER!

Top

Bottom

Side

Relative size (Yes I know I have stubby fingers, thanks for bringing it up. Jerk.)

Like I said, space poo. Do I need more evidence?

Oh my goodness!

2008-12-03T19:43:00.001-08:00

I have been doing nothing but cooking for the past two days. What have I been up to in the kitchen? Well......

I had to remake those caramel things the cat decided to ruin yesterday, which, funny thing, turns out a candy thermometer is necessary for making candy, go figure. So, those delicious sounding caramel things? Yeah, they were pretty much ruined, the taste was good, but the caramel was over cooked and a little more tough than pretty much anyone in their right mind would want. Another thing I learned? If you dip anything in chocolate, you can make it look pretty.

Case in point.

I am thinking about doing the same thing to my face the next time makeup isn't working. I get the feeling people would like me better. In reality I might just attract bitchy women, but who doesn't like those?

The other things made in my kitchen over the past two days were not as exciting (relative, excitement is relative here.) as cat paw caramel. Just some butterscotch oatmeal cookies, chocolate dipped pretzels and peanut clusters. I am testing them out for small Christmas gifts.

SO WATCH OUT FAMILY. YOU MAY BE GETTING.....
Never mind, you will just have to wait and see.

Oh! I need you to do something for me. First, I need you to take all your desktop icons and move them to the left. I can wait.....

Alright, good job, now I need you to click here. Now, you see that picture, right click on it, and choose to "set as desktop background". Trust me, you will thank me later. That tounge can brighten up your darkest day. I promise you. It cures cancer and feeds the homeless.

I promise.

Stop rolling your eyes and just go do it. I dare you.

Unamused, so very, very unamused.

2008-12-02T15:31:00.000-08:00

Alright, we have already established the fact that I am adorable*. This adorableness carries over to all aspects of my life. I am sorry, but it is true. Sometimes this adorableness even makes me do things that no sane human would do on a whim. For example, today I got the urge to make chocolate dipped caramallows. A nice labor intensive project for Tuesday. This entails, a layer of handmade caramel, then handmade marshmallow, then another layer of the caramel, letting it sit for 8 hours and hand dipping them in chocolate.

So, I finish one layer of caramel, I spread it in the pan, and after two attempts I get the marshmallow mixture right, I spread it on top of the caramel layer and just as I am finishing....

....I see it. A German Shepard, trying to cross the road. He almost gets hit by a car so I venture out to check his tag in an attempt to return him to his home and, as I make friends with the dog and start to check for a tag (there was none), I hear it.

IT!

Our fat cat freaking stepped in my caramel/marshmallow mixture, I knew it before I even got back inside. Then, when I do get inside, I see it.

IT!

There are marshmallow paw prints EVERYWHERE, no really, they are seriously everywhere. On the window, on the table, on the chairs, in the carpet. WHAT. THE. HELL? Have you ever tried giving a cat covered in marshmallow a bath? HAVE YOU?!? I am pretty sure it is as close to hell as you can get with out actually taking the elevator down. Ugh, I am scarred for life. At least the paw prints came up with a little bit of elbow grease.

Gah! I have to go, I have more caramel to make, but for your viewing pleasure, here is the culprit, when she is pretending not to be the devil.

*This statement may or may not be factual. Try to get over it.

Loose ends

2008-11-24T08:43:00.001-08:00

Alright, I have a couple of really random things to share, so stick with me please.

Randomocity #1

You know who you are, I don't. You don't need to fess up, but to the person who hopped onto the computer and eagerly typed in the words "Monster eats naked girl" into Google, in hopes of....well....lets be honest, god only knows what. I am not going to test it out, nothing good can come of it.

Anyways, I am sorry that you were directed to my blog. It must have been a huge disappointment as the only monsters in my life are the socks that come off my filthy construction workers feet. They basically walk themselves to the washing machine. Scary, no?

Randomocity #2

For those of you who don't know me personally and just stumbled across my blog, thank your lucky stars. Thank them because, if you did know me personally you would be pulled into my orbit of adorableness, and you wouldn't be able to escape. Sorry, it's a proven fact. I would have you trapped with my charm, and if you have not taken your meds, or you have had a few drinks, you may even be pulled in with my wit. Okay, maybe that was just me being hopeful. A gal can dream.

Proof:
This year with the whole world being broke (Minus any and all CEO's of corporations who have been bailed out) my immediate family has decided to pull names out of a hat to determine who we are buying gifts for. With 5 siblings, two parents, and a niece who you can't resit buying the world for, the holidays can be pricey, and that is just my side of the family. I offered to be in charge of putting people's names on cards for drawing. But my adorableness over powered all things mundane and boring and I ended up making these....

They are white 3 X 3 envelopes, with the same sized black cards on the inside. I raided the scrapbooking aisle of my local jo-anns and came out with green ribbon, Swarovski crystals and little glue on snowflakes.

You are spared all the details as I don't have the cards done yet. Apparently working with tweezers, toothpicks loaded with glue and millimeter sized crystals isn't the fastest process.

Near Death Experience.

2008-11-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

Oh, no no no. Not me, no. Sorry, hope I didn't suck you in with an overly exciting title just to bludgeon you over the head with mundane details about things only a select few care about, cause, you know, that would be awful.......or something like that. Oh well, to late now you are sucked in. Pull up a chair and deal with it.

The near death experience was not experienced by me, but by our fungia.

For reference, this is a fungia.

The fleshy neon orange membrane had torn a little on the fungia a number of weeks ago so we had moved it out of the position shown ever so subtly above. We put it in a corner of the tank so the flow would not make the tear worse, because corals don't really appreciate band aids. While in the corner a rouge yuma

For refrence, a yuma.

Okay, so where were? Oh yeah, so the rouge yuma posted above tumbled over to our fungia. And it stung the fungia. IT FREAKING STUNG IT. So not only does it have a tear in it's poor little membrane, but it is stung also! A-hole rouge yuma. So then the fungia does this cute little thing where it looks like someone took a match to it.

Not so great, right? Well, it looks bad but there is still membrane, no skeleton is exposed, it was still taking in water and it stayed like this for a few days. I should have stopped freaking out, right?

Wrong! This

marked the onset of it's decline in health. The white is the corals skeleton, it was starting to bleach out. Not good, and it only got worse from there, the whole half of the fungia proceeded to bleach out, not fully, but pretty close. It was dying, quickly and there was nothing we could do about it. We were beyond devastated, but until you know how many hours and weekends were spent trying to find a creature as beautiful, brilliant and orange as that fungia......you would be devastated as well. Oh, don't look at me like that, YOU WOULD. Bite me.

A couple weeks go by, we go to babysit the girls and we are gone for the weekend. After we wander beaten and bruised back into our house after 72 hours with 2 girls under 5 and we were greeted by a big, more healthy than it used to be, rebounding, fungia. The best welcome home present EVER.

Grab a tissue for this part ladies and gentlefolk

That was two weeks ago and it has continued to improve, it has been a slow go process, but it is BACK. Best things about these creatures?

Random Opinion: Best thing about these creatures? The way they puff up and open their mouths to eat.

Oh, don't act surprised that we have two of these things, I just wrote a mouthful about ONE, of course we have more than that. That is it though, I promise.

For now.

Whatcha gunna do about it, huh? Don't make me bring my crew into this.

Economic Downturn? Not so bad actually!

2008-10-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

I am going to be honest. We be broke. Okay, maybe not broke but my filthy construction worker of husband and I are pretty much just scraping by living on only his paycheck. Extra cash is a thing of the past for us (or at least until I have a new job). Not only are we just scraping by, work for Gray has been a bit sketchy. Because the construction industry is directly tied to the economy, a couple of people have had to cancel jobs or have been unable to finish jobs and, like I said, things have been a bit sketchy.

So since I have been home, Gray has had a considerable amount of time off as well, which makes things even worse for us financially (go with me for a second, this isn't a sob story, trust me).

We don't eat out anymore, good beer is a luxury not common place. $20 at the movie theater isn't happening. Bills are paid easily of course, it is just the extras that are lacking.

and I can't say that the ducks care, nor do we. It has given us a lot of time to just hang out and be with each other and gives us time to not live life by proxy. Yesterday was one of the best Monday's I have had in years.

We were babysitting my niece while my sister was in L.A. for work and we took her to feed her obsession, literally. She has a thing for ducks that quack. Thankfully, the ducks had quite a bit to say about the quarter loaf of organic multi grain bread she was feeding them.

Please note Gray's face as his favorite mallard is scared away by our niece's advances. Gray has a thing for mallards.

Then we went for a sunset hike before dinner

to a sculpture garden, which was one of the last major international art projects done by Niki De Saint Phalle.

Everyone loves the "garden" and it is so random that it is in our town. Not the place I would picture such an amazing work of art.

and if you haven't noticed, being able to spend the quality time with my family, the people most important to me in life, has given me time to take just a few pictures of my favorite subject. she is such a beautiful ham.

And like I said, the ducks don't mind either.

Wall Art

2008-10-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

Picture frames can be sooooo expensive and if you are like me and you have tons of pictures hanging around and you can't afford a mass amount of picture frames it might just make you turn to your creative side to come up with something...ANYTHING..to get those pictures out of the cabinet and on to the walls.

So the filthy construction worker of a husband and I came up with this low cost idea.

All we did was take two rows of cut-at-home-depot flexible wire, string them through eyelets screwed into the wall and crimp them in place and then used a small clip to clip all the pictures on to the wire. It was super easy, no super special tools were required and you really should go give it a try!

Sleepin with the fishes: A shortie

2008-10-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Alright so another week down and our tank is doing well! Oh what? You don't believe me? FINE! I will prove it!

The tank is much more bright and beautiful than depicted here. Honest. So far our mushroom corals are doing great, they are growing and seem to be happy and healthy. Our bright fish addition to the tank is taking great care to protect the corals and if I even so much as go near the tank the little bugger takes his stand in between the corals. They are his, so back off!

Shrooms - a beginers journey

2008-10-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

So, our new reef tank has begun to take shape. We got our tank up and running, and because we threw in some old substrate and used natural saltwater it took less than the normal amount of time to cycle (meaning: the Ph is the right level, our salinity has been worked out and our nitrate/nitrite levels are good)and we were ready to get some live critters for our tank this weekend.

We researched and researched to see if it was better to put coral in the tank first or if it was better to put fish in the tank first and we came to one firm conclusion. In the fish world everyone has a different idea of what is best, and everyone is right. What works for some people wont necessarily work for everyone.

We went for a clean up crew first and they have been in our tank for a few days. I adore this snail and it's sweet little mouth.

And today we got our first corals. We bought Two mushrooms and two came along for a ride, the fish store was kind enough not to charge us for our hitchhikers.

Our only problem thus far to tackle is that we are having a hard time regulating the temperature in our tank and we don't want to stress out the life inside. Our nano cube is so small and our house is so hot that the water inside the tank with out a heater hovers around 90 degrees. So, we have been leaving the feeding lid open and using a fan to blow hair across the surface which keeps the water at ~78-79 degrees. The only problem is keeping the tank at a stable temp with out constantly baby sitting it. Any fish/nano people out there who have and tips on regulating the temp with a fan?

I am looking forward to the winter months!

Sweaty? Don't worry, that is how I like em!

2008-10-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

It is hot, okay it is really god damn hot. I am not going to sugar coat it because my sugar coating has melted off. Southern California is experiencing a bit of a heat wave and the filthy construction worker of a husband and I escaped this weekend to the "wine cellar" here in town and picked up some new things to try and I am going to try to pass it off as an attempt to escape from the heat and then you won't know that we just really like trying new beers.

The lot:

The porters and the stouts are mine, the pale ales are his an the smoked ale was ours.

Snake Dog IPA: eh, Pretty good, but skipable. Go for the dogfish head imperial IPA
Sinebrychoff Porter: Try it! DELICIOUS. When we were checking out and the cashier was mulling over our choices she mentioned that this beer was one of her favorites. I assumed she just kind of picked one out and was being a good saleswoman. But I don't think so. This porter was delicious.
Fuel Cafe Stout: Try it! Filthy husband pointed this one out to me in the huge fridge, because in our last trip I picked up an espresso stout and loved it. This was another good one. I am really liking the stouts with coffee.
Marin Brewing company stout: eh, skipable. Nothing special, not to say I didn't enjoy it but I just didn't find it that exciting.
Hop Juice Double IPA: Try it! Very hoppy, but not in a bad way. Very bitter, but not in a bad way. You just need to be into those two things. I am not. The filthy husband? VERY into those two things.

Our pick together?

Skip it, we had high hopes, mostly because I like smokey beers, filthy husband likes ales and juniper berries never hurt anyone. We waited all weekend to try this, we made the perfect meal to compliment it aaaannnddd it was a huge let down. It was fine but not worth the price tag.

Done, did it, finished, check!

2008-10-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I mentioned something about needing a change in my life, and about how getting rid of the dingy, beat up, maltreated fish tank and getting a bookcase was going to be my catalyst for change. So, the fish tank is gone. We have yet to sell it, it is still hanging around for now but it is broken down into it's parts and ready to be sold on craigslist.

But have I made any changes?

Um, I would say so!

1)Like I said our huge takes-up-half-the-living-room-fish-tank is gone. Our bookcase is filled with books that were once banished to our dark dingy spare closet. Our small living room actually has room for me to breathe in now and speaking of breathing, we got something to breathe a bit of life into the room. A nano cube.

It is a small 12g Saltwater system that will be used for a fish or two and beautiful corals. I said I needed a hobby, well there it is! I have a feeling it is going to be a time consuming process, with a large learning curve and only a small margin of error allowed due to the life inside. Lots of research has gone into making sure that we are doing this right, and lots more will go in to ensure we keep doing it right. It will be a fun, beautiful, manageable journey.

2) On a much bigger scale, I quit my job and decided not to take the test for my Series 7 license. Okay, I didn't quit-quit. But I have started looking for another job and because my current employer gave me an amazing learning opportunity I felt it was only fair to be 100% honest and inform him that I was looking and give him more than 2 weeks notice. I felt like the series 7 test was the turning point for me. If I was going to remain in the financial industry the test would be my step forward but if I wasn't going to remain in this industry I needed to back out and move on and that is what I did.

Emotionally I am torn between thinking this is an amazingly exciting time in my life and tearing my hair out over the worry that I won't find a job. Whatever comes though, I am thrilled that I have chosen to make this change and very thankful that I have a large support network behind me rooting me on and I really believe that it is for the best.

I just hope I am right....

Bleeding heart

2008-10-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

Dear family whose house I am looking after,

I look good on paper. Responsible, honest, trustworthy, timely and compassionate. All characteristics that you want in someone who takes care of your house while you are away on vacation for a week.

I will water your houseplants, bring in the mail, feed your fish, make sure everything is safe and care for your small garden. You don't have a thing to worry about.....

.....Unless you have neglected your small garden to the point where caterpillars have not only moved in and brought their entire family including their great aunt Helga but they have also all grown to be as big as a filthy construction worker's middle finger...and then some.

Here is the thing, I am not going to touch those things. Am I scared of bugs? Maybe, but not caterpillars, these ones are beautiful, soft and I would invite them to an afternoon tea. Why won't I rescue your garden from the attack? Well, to be quite honest, I won't rescue your garden because it is pointless. I am no detective, but my thinking is, if these caterpillars and their great aunt Helga have had time to grow this big...this is just a guess now, so bear with me, but I am thinking that you might not have even cared about your garden that much in the first place. The weeds up to my waist told me so. The caterpillars though? Oh man, the caterpillars, they care. They care about your garden a great deal and they seem to be very comfortable living amongst your tomato plant and *ahem* looking after it. So you know what? They win, they get to stay. I refuse to remove them. I will water it, feed it, stake it (because you failed to) but those caterpillars? Those suckers stay.

Nature: 1
You: 0

Love,
Your compassionate house sitter

Oh, and in case you never venture down to see your small garden. Here are your new tenants

and don't be a smart alec, I know that isn't a filthy construction workers middle finger. I made him switch to his thumb so you wouldn't be offended when it looked like he was threatening you with vulgar sign language.

Change baby, It's all about change baby

2008-08-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

I need some change in my little life. I need to be more organized, I need to spend my time more wisely, I need to be able to find things that are long lost in the closet, I need to step up my game, I need....well..okay, I need a lot. Most importantly I need to start doing something about it.

What it the one thing that can facilitate all this change? What is the key that unlocks my ability to be productive? I think it is the salt water fish tank sitting in our living room. We want to get rid of this massive mess, we need to get rid of this massive mess, we just don't know how to get rid of the mess. And to further complicate things there is a living creature in the tank. A single hermit crab. We don't know what to do with him, but I think it is time to figure it out and get this ball rolling. So, here is my plan of action

1) Try to get rid of the tank on craigslist w/a hermit crab
2) If that does not work, try to get rid of the tank. Period. And take the hermit crab back to the fish store that we bought him at a year and a half ago
3)If that does not work, weep, get frustrated, gnash teeth until it scares someone into taking the blasted tank.
4)Once tank is gone, get a book shelf which in turn gets all the stacks and stacks and stacks of books out of the boxes in our closet that take up a huge amount of space. And if you give a mouse a cookie...
5)...she is going to want to get rid of a bunch of clutter that is just hanging (not literally) around in our closets and this clutter serves no purpose. This clutter needs to go, it is the first step in change.

I believe the fish tank is the key, I think it is the key, it might be the key, there is a possibility it is the key...

I hope it is the key. Because I need some change.

Another curious blog stat

2008-08-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear google searcher,

I am here to offer an apology. Again. To the person who searched "poop my pants" in google and came across my blog, I doubt my blog fullfilled you in your pursuit for pants pooping. I do not know what you were looking for when you were searching for "poop my pants". I don't know if you wanted to find something hilarious, kinky, down right filthy or information on a medical condition but my site is only one of those things. I will let you decide which.

I hope your quest is able to provide you poop, in your pants in a way that my site could not. I hope you ~~stink~~ stick around and I hope you come back.

Love,
The stink

A weekend in pictures

2008-07-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

This weekend was random and fun and pretty uneventful...but fun! So instead of making you sit through a verbal explanation of what I did, I will shhoooowww you. Because pictures are always more fun than words.

We hit up the park for a walk....

....in a park, of Escondido's finest wildlife

We then explored the the colorful sculptures

End Scene.

Ooohhh, don't you worry, there are more of these puppies coming!

We also ventured over to Oceanside, which p.s. is doing pretty well in the rehabbing the community department. I mean, it still has it's issues sure, but the pier (where we went) and surrounding area they have done a really good job with!

I had a gay old time stalking some poor surfer...

And I was feeling friendly, so like any good friend I stalked the fishermen and fisherladies as well

They stunk up the place and I was thoroughly offended by the fish stench and thus, they are not lucky enough to have their faces pictured. Okay, okay, that OR I am such a nerd that I don't have the huevos to take pictures of random people or ask them if I can take a picture of them....and the surfer just so happen to come into view of my telephoto lens. His fault....

*ahem* MOVING ON...we are almost done, so don't get antsy, just a few more fun to me, mundane to you things to get through.

We drank

Not that uncommon of a thing for a 23 yr old to do but we found this really cool place here in Escondido called the wine cellar, it isn't a secret, just new to us. They had rows and rows and rows of various types of brew. They are so kind to even break bottles out of their six packs, mark the price up slightly (but not too bad) and make it so you can buy just one beer, which makes it great for trying new things. The funky beer pictured above was chosen a) because I love stouts b) the espresso seemed like it would make a good addition to a stout and c) I say this with great shame, I liked the label. What can I say, I am a sucker for cute marketing. In addition to the stout we got a porter and a triple fermented ale. Tasty!

Last and most importantly, we have some exciting news.

We are proud to announce the addition of a new family member to our little budding family!!

Mother in law, you may now excuse yourself to the bathroom to clean yourself up as I know you just peed your pants thinking I was going to announce that I was with child. Alas, at this juncutre, I am not (your first hint should have been the beer talk). But very proud to show you our little fighter!

Meet gatesy!

He is our bed buddy.

Chili Cook Off - A shortie

2008-07-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

It was brought to my attention that I never mentioned how I did in the family chili cook off (which was a huge success by the way!). Sooooo.....let me tell you!

I did just fine!
Those number are not rankings, rather, each chili (there were 9 there) was given a number so the cooks and their chili were anonymous . Voting was done by placing a first, second and third sticker on each number they liked best. My numbers were 2 & 3, so, by the sticker count you can tell I didn't do too bad. There was a tie for first place so my uncle in law, cousin in law and I all placed in the top three. Go us! Although, all the party goers were right, it was a hard decision, everyone brought some darn tasty chili and I can't wait to do it again!

And because I was raised well and know how to share here is the recipe I used for my winning chili.

Arrogant bastard chili

1/2 pound bacon
1 pound ground round
1 pound ground pork
1 green bell pepper, diced
1 yellow onion, diced
6 jalapeno peppers, seeded and chopped
6 habanero peppers, seeded and chopped
8 Anaheim peppers, seeded and diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon crushed red pepper flakes
3 tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons beef bouillon granules
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
2 (16 ounce) cans whole peeled tomatoes, drained
2 (16 ounce) cans chili beans, drained
1 (12 fluid ounce) bottle stone arrogant bastard beer
3 ounces tomato paste
1 ounce chile paste
2 cups water

1)Place bacon in a large soup pot. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain excess grease, leaving enough to coat bottom of pot Remove bacon, drain on paper towels and chop.

2)Brown beef and pork in pot over medium high heat. When meat is browned, stir in the bell pepper, onion, jalapeno peppers, habanero peppers, Anaheim peppers, garlic, cumin, red pepper flakes, chili powder, bouillon, crushed tomatoes, whole tomatoes, beer, tomato paste, chile paste and water.

3)Reduce heat to low and simmer for 45 to 60 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add beans and bacon and continue simmering for another 30 minutes.

Does anyone think their chili is better? Feel like sharing your recipe? Please do! I am open to making all sorts of new chili!

Everything I thought it would be and more!

2008-07-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

A few months back I had downloaded the photoshop 30 day trial and was toying around with it, well my trial ran out the day before the husband and I got back from Costa Rica and I cried, gnashed my teeth and even thought about coming home from our trip a day early just so I could edit photos (okay, not really...but really, photoshop is just that fun!)

So here we are a little less than a month later. I am happy to announce I am a proud owner of not only photoshop, but I also got the Totally Rad Action set as recommended by the pioneer woman.

So, here is a quick example. Nothing too drastic, just a little oomph!

Before:

After:

On Google Searches

2008-07-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

It is on my page, loggin' your stats.....

If you take a gander at the bottom of my page there is a little square that says "blogpatrol". On my page I have a widget that tracks how many people look at this site and a little about them. Nothing too creepy, don't worry. But, I do feel like I have an apology to make after looking at one certian stat that blog patrol alerted me to.

My apology:
To the person who typed the word "Naked girl hiking" into Google search and was directed to my blog, I am sorry (Do the naked girls hiking at least wear a pair of socks under their boots?). I am sorry for the lack of naked girls hiking. I don't know how Google got my site and and naked girls hiking confused. And, to the person who was trying to search for "Naked girls hiding" I just have three questions.

1)Are you the same person who was looking for the naked girls hiking
2)Why are the naked girls hiding?
3)Which is better, a naked girl hiking or a naked girl hiding?Or is that like asking which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I am now off to google naked girls hiding to see what comes up.....other than my blog of course.

Chili Cook Off!

2008-07-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

It is the great family cook off today!

Be back with the results later tonight! Until then I will leave you with this picture of the spice that went into my arrogant bastard chili.

Costa Rica and It's beauty

2008-07-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

Best. Trip. Ever

Alrighty, I have been avoiding posting about our trip to Costa Rica because I so badly wish I was back there there and start plotting ways I can get back there every time I talk about that lovely country. I have issues, this I know. I am working through them. So, Are you ready? No? Well, suck it up cause here we go!

We started the trip out by flying into San Jose Airport and taking a car to Arenal. We stayed at the Arenal Observatory Lodge and had a great time combing the grounds. We saw coti, toucans, lava, parrots and the scariest spiders I have ever seen in my life. EVER. The lodge used to be a Smithsonian research institute and now it is a hotel. How that works, I have no idea. I just assumed that the scientists were smart enough to get the hell out of the area and leave it to the tourists to stay so close to the volcano. No matter, it was a wonderful hotel. It was about 25-30 minutes via a rocky dirt road from town.

That is how close us dumbass tourists were from the volcano. This picture was taken from the pool.

And from our balcony at night .

We did all the touristy stuff like going horseback ridding to the La Fortuna waterfall, hiking, drinking beer and of course.....
We went ziplining. I fought the urge to run, harnessed up, got into position and.....shut my eyes the whole way across. It was either that or poop my pants. Which would you have chosen?

After having our fun in La Fortuna we took interbus over to Aviarios del Caribe in Cahuita, a sloth sanctuary, and let's just say that within hours we were secluded to our musty smelling room trying to find ways to escape the place. Going into this we knew that the sanctuary was a Bed & Breakfast and we expected to be a little bored seeing as how, oh, I don't know...we are not two 73 year old women! But this place was bad, must smelling rooms, filthy windows, rusty bathtubs not to mention the hosts didn't know what the hell was going on. The good thing though? The hosts might not know how to run a B&B but they do know how to lovingly care for these little guys

Before the trip I might have considered eating a sloth, now I have nothing but mad sloth love for them yo. Sorry, I don't know where that came from.

We eventually stopped stomping our feet and gnashing our teeth and decided to make the best of it and opened our eyes to the beauty around the area and we were able to find all sorts of good things like...

The wildlife around the area was amazing and slightly scary. We lived and got to see some sloths. This may come as a shock, but I do not recommend the B&B.

After Cahuita we went south about 45 min to Puerto Viejo for our most relaxing part of the trip. In PV we stayed at Banana Azul . Everything about this place was amazing, the location (right on the beach) the service (friendly, welcoming and willing to help you with anything) the rooms (big, airy, lots of french doors) and the food (delicious, great price, lots of it). We spent our days swimming in the perfectly clear, bath water temp. Caribbean waters

wandering along the miles of pristine beaches where you hardly ever saw anyone else

and napping in the hammocks strung up between coconut trees on the beach. Don't worry I don't have any pictures of that, you lucked out.

It was an amazing trip, I am very thankful that we were able to go on it and have the experience under our belt. I am glad that I didn't listen to the review sites online that try to scare the life out of you by detailing how dangerous Costa Rica is. This country seems far from dangerous as long as your are respectful, polite, be aware of your situation and don't act like an asshat. We were not raped, swept up in a drug deal, mugged, held at knife point or anything of the like. While I am sure this happens in the country, it happens in every country. Never once did I feel as though I was in any danger. The beauty of the country quickly washes away any worry you might have about the safety reports you read while planning your trip.

One word to sum up our trip?

GO!

Housekeeping

2008-07-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

aye aye aye

So much to do and so little time after procrastination to do it in. My fantastically boring life has been filled with me doing so much of nothing that I need to get a handle on it.

Things I need to do to bore you:
-Write about our Costa Rica trip...yes I know it happened over a month ago.
-Try to describe my love for photoshop and the amount of time I can kill on it editing photos
-Ask you how to get caterpillars to stop eating my veggies I have been working so hard on
-What we ended up doing about THE car

The list goes on, but I will spare you the details and let you just imagine what trival dribble will come out of this blog in the future.

One exciting thing to come out of this though, is that I am here to sing the praises of moo cards. I have been uploading so many photos to flickr that I was 205% past my monthly limit and throughly enjoy the website so I coughed up the 24.99 for a pro account (which totally makes me a pro right?) . Flickr eased the pain on my bank account by offering me 10 free moo cards. I have been eying them for quite some time so I just about peed my pants at the offer.

Well, a long week and a half later I finally got them in the mail and they are just as exciting as I thought they would be!

The only two problems that have come up with the moo cards are that a)You have to crop a very thin section of your photo which can be hard and b) I don't know what to do with them now that I have them

Any Suggestions?
Oh, and if you are just going to tell me to shove them where the sun don't shine, like I could picture some Hawaii obsessed dentist saying. SAVE IT. Already thought of it. WIN.

Green Thumb : A Shortie

2008-06-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

So, I have been trying my hand at gardening and it seems like it is working! A couple months ago I planted bell peppers, tomatoes, cucumber, jalapeno, "the worlds hottest peppers" and no, they are not habaneros they are the OTHER worlds hottest pepper. Also, I planted some regular tomatoes and some yellow tomatoes and things are looking good for a summer crop of fresh veggies

Corn and lettuce are going in as soon as the brother in law moves in next door and I can steal his yard for my gardening endeavors.

I see what you did there.

2008-06-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about shopping for a new car? Obvious sales tactics!

VW Salesman: So, what is it going to take to get you into a car today

Me: Oh, we are just looking, I don't know if I am going to sell my car yet we are going to wait and see what happens after it is fixed.

VW Salesman: Okay, I understand, but, how can we get you in a car today

Me:Uh..........I just......we don't...

VW Salesman: You know, you could just save the money you were going to use to fix your old car, then donate the car to charity. The money you saved by not fixing your car could then be used for a down payment on a new car.

Me: Ugh, Really? Are we going to do this?

VW Salesman: Every day you keep that old car you are losing money.

Me: You are kidding me right? Please stop. I am embarrassed for you.

I felt awful for the guy. He was very green, very ambitious, very persistent and very nice but his technique made me cringe. How the hell does it make sense that everyday I hold on to my car (that I outright own) I lose money? Yes, cars are depreciating assets and they constantly lose their value from the second you drive it off the lot, but do 2009 VW rabbits vomit money from the depths of their 5 cylinder engines that help cover the cost of a monthly payment? And if they do, why is that not outlined in the brochure?

Word on the street is that going into debt, with an auto loan, that has a fair amount of interest on it, is not cheap nor is it an appreciating asset. I am still scratching my head as to why he thought this was a good line to use.

When I bought my first new car and I had talked them down in price, but still needed to think about the decision overnight the Toyota salesman actually said to me "what, you don't want the car". Oh crap! I totally forgot, I DOOOO want the car. What was I thinking? Where do I sing?

Toyota Salesman was an asshat.

VW Salesman was just new. I wanted to pinch his cheeks and buy him a self help book about how to believe in yourself and make a sale then send him on his way.

Instead we left. He was sneaky, but not that sneaky.

I need your advice!

2008-06-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

Warning: The following post is just dribble about my boring unacomplished life.

It is dead! My beloved car is dead. I was the proud owner of a 2003 Toyota Matrix and now I am just a bitter owner of a 5 yr old piece of junk and I find myself needing to resist my urge to call Toyota customer service and tell them what they can do with my car and where they can shove it and how (with a slight twist to the left, thank you).

Because I don't know all the technical babble about car parts it will be sufficent to say that the engine is beyond broken and I need a new one. A fresh brand new engine with Labor is a pretty penny to the tune of$6,700. Thankfully, very thankfully my dirty construction worker of a husband's cousin convinced his dad (did you get all that?), who is a mechanic to take my car on as a side project and do it for a wonderful price. Which is pretty awesome considering the amount of money we will be saving. We owe them.

So, here is the delimma. I own my car free and clear, nothing is under warranty anymore and right now is the right time to sell the car if we are going to do it and buy another car. We are not kidding ourselves and thinking that it is financially the best option. But before our lives get tied up with a mortage, a sweet little baby and everything that comes with the two is now the time to get ourselves into a new car and exercise the impulsiveness that is characteric of our age? Our rational brains and our 23 year old brains are having a hard time hashing out this decision. So, what would you do? Would you sell your old car, put a decent deposit down and suck it up with car payments for the next three years or would you keep the old car, save like a mad couple and get going on your dreams of owning a cute warm home and having that child? How do you integrate the young and implusive with the reason and rationality of being an adult?

More importantly, how do you resist the urge to zip around in one of these? Hey, it gets good gas mileage......

Summer is here! A Shortie

2008-06-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry! I have been bogged down with various sun drenched and charcoal infused family activites, which can only mean one thing

IT'S SUMMER TIME!

Product Interuption

2008-06-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

On the plane ride from Los Angeles to San Jose, Costa Rica I picked up one of their inflight magizines and while I could only understand part of the information due to it (rightfully so) being in spanish there was one thing that I did understand.

I NEED THIS!
This cuff, designed by a company called Tivi is crafted out of multiple types of wood such as ebony, zebrawood maple and walnut and then they are silkscreened and coated to keep them tough. Honestly, such a perfect bracelet for the summer! And, if we are being honest it isn't that I want one. That fact is, that quite simply, I NEED ONE.

Oh, and while we are at it. I will take one of their clutches as well. Please.

A Goal For Costa Rica

2008-05-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am still trying to avoid all the boring, final, last minute tasks required for travel, so I thought I would hide out here for a bit longer.

Recently the husband bestowed upon me a new lens for my camera as a graduation gift. I am pretty sure when he handed it to me I literally squeeled with delight. It is just an entry level telephoto lens, but I had been lusting after it for awhile so getting my grubby little paws on one for the first time was a thrill, and I have been having fun with it ever since.

See? That grasshopper (it is a grasshopper right?) didn't even know I was there. Thanks to the new telephoto lens I could be far enough away so that he was completly unaware of all the photography sins I am sure I was commiting when I took this picture. SUCKER!

For the most part my bags are packed, and I double, no, tripple checked that the new lens was packed and ready to go in my carry on. My goal (I am reaching here folks) in taking the DSLR to Costa Rica is to get enough decent pictures, so I could order one of these. For those of you that are too lazy too click on the link A) I don't blame you, I am lazy too and B)I will just tell you - They are MOO mini cards and quite frankly they seem like a neat little creation for only 19.99 AND more, if not most importantly they seem like an easy, fun, clean way to keep all of your photos together. Also, it encourages me to get some of these pictures off of my computer and into print. So, I highly doubt that I will come out of this trip 100 photos...

.....but here is to a valiant effort!

Exciting New Things

2008-05-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

It is not big news, it is not super exciting news, but it is really fun news for me and it helps me put off packing for Costa Rica for a few moments longer. Also, currently, writting this is keeping my mind off of Alma. The tropical depression that is hovering over the region I am supposed to be flying into tomorrow. But that is neither here nor there and it has nothing to do with my super fun news (for me, remember?).

I have joined the daring bakers group! I have been poking around various cooking and food photography blogs (which all made my mouth water) lately and came across multiple bloggers who participated in the group, and month after month post something new and exciting was created. Yesterday I saw all the posts go up for their latest challenge and decided to get off my tush and join. My first challenge won't be until the end of the month (I think), but I am so looking forward to it.

A little about the group can be found here.

This should be a fun adventure and I look forward to my first challenge. Oh! And the best part? This counts as an attempt at #5 on my list and maybe I can fatten up that construction worker of a husband 'O' mine.

But It Is Tripple Milled!

2008-05-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

It's what's on the inside that counts...

...but sometimes the outside is a huge factor in making a decision.

No, finding lovely smelling soaps in fun wrappers is not a hobby, but I felt the need to share this find with you.

I found these soaps at Old Navy while searching for a decent pair of shorts that don't cling to my thighs and flash a lil butt cheek. The price is right ($5 for 2) and the packaging is amazing. The designs on the outside are funky, fresh and clean looking. So, I stocked up and have a few out on the counter for decoration.

Not only are they fun on the inside they smell as good as they look and they can get the grime off the husband's dirty construction wrecked hands. What more could a gal ask for? Island lime (the one pictured) is the husband's pick. My pick, you ask? Sparkling Green Tea.

It is Sunday, get off the computer and go get some!

Everyone Needs To Start Somewhere

2008-05-24T18:08:00.000-07:00

Alright,

I figured it is time for me to make an attempt at one of the 6 items listed below instead of just whining about being bored and not having any hobbies. #1 was to get a life and I am not getting a life, so I figured should try being crafty and/or creative. I don't know if I did either one of those things well but I gave it a shot and hey, it was better than oh, I don't know being gouged in the eye. So that right there has to count for something....right?

right?

So, what did I make?

Let me show you!

Because pictures are always better than words (what can I say I am a product of the MTV generation...books? What are those?)
I made this!

What the heck is it? Don't be so rude! Hold on to your pants and I will tell you, because you are in for a wild ride (or an obscenely demure explanation of what it is and how I did it. Either way though, you are in for a good time....right?.....right?)

It started out as a plain old cork board that I was using for hanging up various things such as exciting pictures of our cats, or an idea for a recipe. It need a little more pizazz so it got a cork board make over today.

I started by
1) Taking ~1 yard of fabric and making a little pocket at the bottom and then I used my handy dandy sewing machine to sew a straight line down the middle to make the one giant pocket, into two more useful pockets.
2) Then I took the fabric, pulled it nice and firm and stapled it to the back, because, what the heck? I am fancy like that!

I didn't feel like the board and enough pizazz and it most certainly didn't take up enough time to count as a hobby so I went to town making these adorable fabric covered push pins using a button cover kit from Joann's.

To make these I used the button cover kit but I had to get rid of the pesky metal button hole loopy thing on the back, so that is exactly what I did!

Cripes! I have man hands!

I just pulled that sucker out!

Then, after that pesky button loop was out of my life once and for all I used these helpful tools

(A glue gun, thumb tack and the pliers I used to pull the button loop out of the back of the button with to turn my once very lovely button into an even more beautiful push pin.)

So I

Then I

Until I had

Which ended up looking great on the board! Not the best picture, but I promise I will do better next time.

And that my friends, is how I got off my tush and got started on finding myself a hobby!

Ideas

2008-05-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

Alright, so it has been my first week and all I have is ideas of what to do with my time....

1) Get a life.
2) Channel my inner green thumb and help wean our household off of Trader Joes/Albertsons.
3) Get serious about this photography thing.
4) Learn to sew.
5) Fatten up the husband, and start baking. I can cook just fine, it is the baking that gives me problems. Roast a beautiful whole chicken with plentiful and delicious sides. Fine, I am your woman. Bring egg whites to a peak for merengue? Nope...not gunna happen.
6) Get crafty and creative, whatever that means.

The Great Question of Life..

2008-05-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

How do you take a picture of a camera?

Check, Check Annnddd Check

2008-05-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

Times, they are a changin'

Today is sort of a turning point for me. I am offically done with school, excited for me? Well, then just wait for this. I have also paid off my car! Not excited enough? I made my first financial investment. You are still not excited enough? Bite me, and just let me have my fun instead of worrying about impressing your grumpy mug.

No, but seriously. Today is a major day for me. I finished up with my last final, I opened my window to take my series 7 exam, my car is paid off which makes the husband and I 100% debt free and I have invested in our future in more ways than one andI don't really know where this leaves me. Even though I was a tremendous slacker in college I escaped with a 3.0 and if there was a pie chart of how I spent my time while in school it would look like this......

What I am trying to get at here is that based on my numerous calculations it has just come to my attention that a large portion of my time (aprox. 83%) is going to need to be re-allocated and to be quite honest I have NO idea what I am going to do. For the most part I have no real hobbies, no real intrests and no real plans for how to discover what to do with my time other than trial and error so anyone reading this is going to be comming along for a wild ride and I am open to suggestions. My life is undergoing a major change. From college nanny, to college nanny-newlywed to college EX nanny-newlywed-office intern to college grad with alot of spare time and no sense of what to do with it. My my my, this should be good.

side note and edit: The side note is that the husband is trying to impress me by doing the robot to the flavor of love 3 theme song as I type. How is that not sexy I ask. (should that be a . a ! or a ? I don't know, puncuation escapes me) the edit is that...look, I know that was a crappy pie chart. I did my best, I am working on making a better one, but I don't think any of my non existant readers will care.

Pardon Me While I Get A Lil Emo.

2008-05-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

About 35% of the time I feel as though I am invisible. I am also ~62% sure that if I died I would be able to count on one hand the number of people who would actually be upset and miss me (no need to reminded me that I am dead, and counting will not be necessary). If you are slow, here is another way of explaining how I feel today, I have a large case of the mopeies (they are much more severe than the Mondays) and I am having one of those days where, no matter how many people you are surrounded by, you still feel alone.

whine whine whine....okay moving on.

Today I was sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself when a familar sensation came over me.......... I realized that I needed to pee (don't worry this is relevant). When I got up from the couch to take a break from feeling invisible (even invisible people have too pee), I found that I had a missed a call on my cell phone, when I checked my messages I saw that sister A, (of the two girls I used to nanny for) had left me a message, and when I played that message, this is what I heard."Hi Ella!!!!! Uh I miss you and I want you to have a sleepover tomorrow. And I miss you. AAANNNDDD I love you, BYE.!!!!!! And my sister loves you....BYE!!!!!!. *muffled voice of her mother in the background* Uh, no mom she is not ringing"

She is adoriable, and has good timing?

What are the chances?

Two Years And A Tomato Plant

2008-05-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

Two years married to the same wonderful human being?

Blissful!

Enough said, sometimes simplicity is best

A Naked Girl Can Hide Anything

2008-05-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am a good, trustworthy, honest and hard working employee. But it just so happens that being a good actress comes with having a vagina. I didn't ask for the gift.....so don't be jealous. For the past couple weeks it *may* be possible that I have been plotting my escape from work.......at work. Shhhh don't tell anyone.

As I sit in my unsupervised cubicle I search tripadvisor for hours looking for the perfect place to spend a week (and by perfect place, don't be mistaken, I mean that I try to find the cheapest place that isnt a hell hole, where the only souvineer I can bring back for friends and family is the bird flu or some version of TB that will most likely wipe out half of the worlds population). Outlook for me, is like a half naked girl on a Coors poster for prison inmates. It hides my escape route. When people walk by, I bring my outlook screen up, as if to say....Me planning a trip? NEVER! And if I were, I would do it on my own time at home. Thank you very much. After hours of searching I have managed to come up with the perfect place, and the perfect itinerary, and for those of you who need to escape I thought I would share it with you, because yes, it is, just that good.

Friday-Leave (In all actuality we leave at an unspeakable hour Saturday morning, but I would like to put off thinking about that)
Saturday – Arrive in San Jose at 9 am, Leave for Fortuna via private transfer (we are fancy like that), get there..whenever we feel like it. Bite me, and we will do some hiking and picture taking!
Sunday-Spend day Hiking, Jungle tour, somehow see monkies, a waterfall, eat some delicious fruit and butterflies
Monday-Zipline i.e. crap my pants over the canopy
Tuesday-Leave at an ungodly hour to venture over to the Caribbean coast to a sloth rehab/sanctuary and visit a few of the beauties.
Wednsday- Head down south ~25k to beach it up
Thursday –Spend the moring in denial, trying to not admit to ourselves that in mere hours we will be on our way back to reality.

A few things I would like to point out that I did not realize when I was writting THAT down. First of all, I wrote this for my huband who has a hard time understanding how 7days and 6 nights is even possible, it blows his mind. Second, Yes, I do write with random capital letters, in random places, its a side effect of my crazy. Third. No, I do not plan of eating butterflies, har har har, yes it is funny that I accidently wrote that I would like to eat some delicious fruit and butterflies...but No, I am not a monster I do not wish to dine on such beautiful creatures, in fact, I think you are a monster for even thinking someone might do such a thing. Fourth, yes, I will crap my pants on a zipline and yes, I will enjoy it.

Printer, Meet Subway. Subway, Meet Printer.

2008-05-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

I feel like life in the office is bleeding straight into everyday life.I work in a small office and we all use one lovely printer. This wonderful printer, like many, has issues. One of its most annoying being that after you ask it to print.......it forgets. So you ask it to please, for the love of god print your spread sheet again and the printer, being a far superior being than myself or any of my co-workers has to think about what it has been asked of it. It weighs its options and carefully thinks about it and finally, FINALLY the second time it decides to print your document......TWICE.

God-damn spiteful technology.

The man who made my sandwich at subway today was much the same way. I asked very nicely for some mayo and he failed to pick up his squirt bottle of mayo and give me a few squirts (thats what she said). So, after he skipped they mayo and went straight to mustard. I asked very nicely again for some mayo and the second time I asked he decided to bless my sandwich with mayo.....TWICE.I just cant escape.

Awkward Introductions

2008-04-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

This being my frist poorly written post, I thought I would give a brief intro. My name is E and I am an ex-nanny. I have been clean and sober from raising other people's children for 10 months now, and it has been a hard road adjusting to life in an office. This change in my life has been fun, exciting and sometimes a bit difficult to adjust to. For example, My wardrobe has been infested with "dry-clean only" slacks. Hell, I have slacks. My vocabulary is appropriately littered (often times more so when I indulge in libations) with former no-no words, such as FUCK, ASS, WHORE and BITCH, and I use them with out guilt. When talking with other people, and I am feeling sad, I sound sad. When I am angry, I sound angry. My vocal pitch dial is no longer stuck permanently on obscenely happy. However, this change has come with its con's, one of the most important being that I miss those two little creatures more than I have ever missed anyone before. I miss little girl snuggles, bringing home artwork that only the most skilled 3 yr old eye could tell was an elephant, and I love watching those creatures change from 6 week old infants who make your life miserable for 12 hours a day to a 4 yr old that is a hop skip and a jump away from being 5 who casually mentions she really hopes her parents get her an iPod for her birthday...........or a package of ponies. Thankfully though, the parents of the lil ladies do enjoy to travel frequently sans their biological creatures, which means once a month ~~I am reminded how lucky I am my period came~~ the husband and I get to babysit!! My husband and I get to spend a wonderful weekend negotiating nap time, explaining why the teeth marks sister B left on sister A are not okay, and finding the OTHER shoe. We get the girls all to ourselves for two whole days, and this month was no exception. This weekend, at an ungodly hour saturday morning, I was yet again reminded why I miss those children. Sister B awoke me at 5:45AM to tell me "MY BUTT IS EATING MY UNDERWEAR!! THERE IS GOING TO BE NONE LEFT" That is right child. Welcome to the world of wedgies. How can you be upset when you wake up to that?